How Grief Changes Our Perspective on Life

When Life Changes Your Perspective

A Reflection from

Our New Normal

There are some lessons we learn from books.

There are some lessons we learn from advice.

And then there are the lessons we learn because life leaves us no other choice.

One of the most profound changes that happened as I navigated grief, caregiving, loss, and healing was a complete shift in perspective. The things I once worried about, chased, and prioritized no longer carried the same weight.

In Our New Normal, I share how some of my earliest lessons about perseverance came from my father.

“He often said, ‘If you see me fighting the bear, help the bear.’ As a child, I laughed at that saying. As an adult, I came to understand it. To him, it meant that no challenge was going to defeat him without a fight.”

When my father unexpectedly died, I wasn’t only grieving the loss of a parent. I was grieving the loss of the future I thought we would share. The used car dealership we had opened together wasn’t just a business—it was a dream we had built side by side.

That experience taught me one of the first great lessons of perspective:

Sometimes we don’t just grieve what was. We grieve what could have been.

As life continued to unfold, through my husband’s illness, the loss of my mother, and the heartbreaking loss of our daughter, Ella Gloria Jean, my perspective continued to change.

I began to understand that time is life’s most precious gift.

Not money.

Not possessions.

Not accomplishments.

Time.

Because once it’s gone, we cannot get it back.

There are still moments when I wish I could call my mother one more time. Share a piece of news. Ask her opinion. Hear her tell me that everything is going to be okay. And because I know what it feels like to lose that opportunity, I no longer take time for granted.

The same became true in my marriage.

There was a time when I wasn’t sure Bernard would come home from the hospital. There was a time when helping him walk across a room felt like a victory. Today, an ordinary evening together feels extraordinary.

A conversation on the couch.

A laugh over something silly.

A quiet evening with our dogs, Bugsy and Hercules.

The things that once felt ordinary now feel like blessings.

That’s what perspective does.

It changes how you see everything.

I’ve learned that the moments that sustain us aren’t always the big moments.

They’re often the small ones:

• A friend checking in.

• A hand to hold.

• A laugh when you need it most.

• A loved one sitting beside you on an ordinary Tuesday evening.

Those are the moments that matter.

Those are the moments we remember.

Perhaps the greatest lesson perspective has taught me is this:

What matters most is not what we own, accomplish, or achieve. What matters most is who we love and how we spend the time we are given.

That has become part of my new normal.

And honestly, I think that’s what life was trying to teach me all along.

Reflection Question

How has a difficult season in your life changed your perspective on what matters most?

From

Our New Normal: Finding Faith, Purpose, Joy, and Hope After Life’s Unexpected Changes

Available now as part of The Life We Didn’t Expect Collection.